I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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