What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
