My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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