dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My vagina is officially offended.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
