Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
