bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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