He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So here I am, sexting at work.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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