Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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