After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
