Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
