Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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