If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
