Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
