If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
