ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
