Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize