not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
be right there i have to get my cape
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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