Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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