He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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