dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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