Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
