i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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