No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
