you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
