After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
