I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
