so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
