I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
