Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize