the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
