is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
