There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He did a backflip because drugs
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
