Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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