This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
