so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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