god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
