Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
