oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
