I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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