My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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