Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
