She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize