I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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