Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
