And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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