gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
