i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
