maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
