So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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