Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
