we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We're too hungover to prance.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
