He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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