Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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