its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
