Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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