I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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