everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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