highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
