i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
