So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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