i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
