ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
