I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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