You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
