All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
