so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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