Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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