I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
