i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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