Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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