Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't turn off my feet"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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