Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
