Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
